I have to say that I’m infrequently frustrated with my national denomination. I say “infrequently” because that’s the best way to describe how and when I pay attention to my national denomination at all. Why am I frustrated? I’m frustrated because the level of disconnect from the world of the national denomination and the world in which I dwell (the local church) is so great that I just get headache anytime I pay attention to the folks in the doughnut. It’s like we’re not even living on the same planet.
Periodically I’ll be sent letters, badly produced DVD’s, posters, and offering envelopes asking me to do something with the data presented – along with no context whatsoever. Invariably I end up asking myself, “Who is this, and why are they wasting my time?” This isn’t to say that the folks at the national level aren’t supporting some decent ministry efforts in the US and across the globe – it’s just that when the head office tries to communicate anything it seems to me like an advertisement for failblog.org. I wish this wasn’t the case, but that’s where I am.
I have no idea who any of these people are. To me, the folks at the national office are faceless names. Or, if they have a face they are just “the people on the platform.” I have no relationship with these folks, and they don’t know me from Adam, but yet I get warm-sounding letters from “the people on the platform” talking about how wonderful it is to be in relationship with me – and would I show this (horrendously produced) DVD to my congregation? This frustration hit again when I sat and listened to someone from our national denomination scoff at the ability to use e-mail to connect with people. His point was that we’re really in relationship with the we meet in person, rather than the people we connect with over the internet. All I could think in response was, “Well, I have absolutely no relationship with you at all then – oh well.”
Look, I understand the absolute necessity for “real world” connections. There is no such thing as a “virtual Church,” and there never will be. There is no way, after all, to take Communion over the internet (and no, everyone sitting with their shots of grape juice at home doesn’t count, sorry). If we only have internet relationships, then we’re missing out on a huge swath of life. On the other hand the internet can be used to solidify relationships that might exist in other venues, as well as establish actual real-life friendships through on-line interaction. While the nice man from the national ministry disparaged e-mail (meaning he was already over a generation behind on the way communication is done over the internet), all I can think is that he misses the point entirely.
As he spoke from the platform I had no connection with him other than an institutional one. He’s the head of the national denomination, and used to be from NJ so some of my friends know him from years ago. I’m not part of that club, and I never will be (nor do I want to be). Maybe I’ve been introduced to him before but the truth is that my only interaction with him are the form-letters that end up in my inbox. Letters which, not-infrequently, end up with me banging my head on my desk. As when he sent out a letter explaining how the “official” denominational planning calendar was so much better than the “electronic gizmos” that he couldn’t figure out. I know nothing about him, really. What’s his favorite song, movie, or TV show? Does he like Baseball? What’s his favorite book, and why? Does he put provolone or american cheese on his cheesesteak? What does he do in his spare time, and how do those activities cause him to reflect on his life in general? I know nothing of this about him, so I have no idea how to make a connection with him. It’s like trying to have a relationship with an abstract concept. Yet, if he took a few minutes a day and tossed some thoughts, or pictures, or comments on facebook – I might learn to appreciate him as a human-being with joys, hopes, fears, desires, and frustrations. I might feel compelled to drop him a line in a time of difficultly just to say, “Hey, there are people praying for you.” I might share his celebrations with the people I’m connected with and say, “Wow, this is good.” Just maybe I would stop being “The Pastor of Central Baptist Church,” and become a real person to him as well.
See, folks, I’m increasingly convinced that those trivial interactions on facebook, twitter, and other social networks are where we’re re-learning how to share our humanity with others. It’s where people are breaking out of their cubicles and isolation and are saying, “Something ordinary just happened, and I want someone to share it with.” I know the scoffers say, “Well why don’t they do it in the ‘real world’ then, instead of tossing it out for the world to see?” Folks, maybe if our neighbors weren’t people we occasionally wave to, or if chatting with co-workers wasn’t condemned as a “waste of time,” or if we didn’t put on our “Church faces” when we came to worship – maybe we would. If the people who a reaching out to share their ordinary humanity with friends and old acquaintances on the ‘net learn the joy of that sharing, perhaps they will.
I certainly wish the head of my national denomination would even try.
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Heh, only someone from Philly would think to use what kind of cheese you put on your cheesesteak as an example of getting to know someone. 😉
Glad someone caught that little snippet…
Man, my thoughts are scattered in response to this, I find it to be a complex topic, but I’ll try to compose something coherent. 🙂
I think a good question to be asking of oneself is “Am I honest and transparent in my communication with others in all contexts?” I can’t speak for anyone other than myself, but my answer is a resounding no. The reality is, I’m constantly omitting and sharing certain information with certain people because I’m either trying to create a favorable impression or I’m trying to avoid backlash for thinking/saying/doing something that may be unpopular.
It has been my observation that as a society (I’m speaking of the US in general), we tend to avoid things that are uncomfortable and difficult, often to the detriment of honesty and transparency, because we fear what might happen to us if we are honest. I think that’s at the root of why some people dislike social media… to share information about oneself can be a vulnerable act and being vulnerable is scary, especially when you’re in any sort of position where there’s public scrutiny.
We could sit and discuss all day on the merits and disadvantages of using Facebook, Twitter, etc. but at the end of the day, it’s less about what you’re using to communicate and more about what you actually are communicating and what your heart’s true intentions are by doing so.
Nikki, I did a presentation on social media for my regional staff and I had the inevitable question about people putting up “inappropriate” comments on a site, and what we should do about it.
My response is always the same. If anything, if you’re not going to start a fake persona for social networking (which has a whole other stack of issues), social media requires that people do something that the modern world never really required of them, to be integrated. If we can’t be the same people in person that we are on-line (and vice-versa) then we have problems FAR greater than an inappropriate comment.
We can’t be one person in Church, another at work, another at home, and still someone else on line and actually be connected to anyone – the best we can do then is to allow people to connect with the persona we choose to show them.
We’ll never get away from that entirely, but I do try my darndest to be the same person online as I am in “real life.” I don’t play a role so people will be happy – I be who I am so that people will be in communion with me should they so choose.
A good many pastors are uncomfortable with that idea, and so they are very scared of being transparent with people in ANY context. I think that, in the end, might protect their persona – but it will leave them a weaker human-being.
I think that we learn to” tend to avoid things that are uncomfortable and difficult” from being hurt or screwed by others. I hate to be negative, but it doesn’t take long to learn what to say and what not to say with certain people. I certainly am not totally honest and transparent in some situations, I can’t be. There are people who do not want my opinion, even if it is valid and true.
As for the home office issue, I agree, warm fuzzy letters from people you don’t know are not pleasing nor helpful if you are an intellegent person. I gave a donation years ago to some organization that was helping to feed starving children in Russia, I still get their warm fuzzy letters despite the fact it has been over 20 years since I last gave, and have asked them on numerous occasions to stop sending me their junk. I think, it is more a worldly marketing thing, some degreed marketer has told people with a message that they want to distribute, that this is the way to communicate effectively with the masses. Unfortunately, it must work, because loads of organizations do it.