This song is as dark as I’m going to get this week ¹. “I Don’t Care Any More” rips through speakers as declaration determination and strength. At the center of it’s words is a meaning akin to what I wrote on Monday. – it’s a cry of freedom from those who would manipulate or control. At its heart, however, is something different. The anger through which Phil Collins breathes this song into existence goes further and dehumanizes the other. To utter “I don’t care anymore” at someone is to say they no longer matter as people.

And it’s wrong. “I don’t care anymore” isn’t a healing anthem of freedom. It’s a middle finger held up to world, daring it to have the audacity offer any sort of challenge.

And here’s the thing, there are so many times where I want to say that and mean it. I want to punch nazis and rip the scarves off ranting Antifa members. I long to attack those who confuse ignorance with righteousness so I can shut them up. I want to play “the game” against anyone would use their influence to attack me. I want to tell people who would try to keep me down, or try to conscript me into their group, “No! You don’t matter.”

There are times when I want to do what’s wrong, and I know it’s wrong, because I don’t care any more.

But I can’t live in that place because there’s a voice in my soul which says, “You don’t have to accept their manipulations, but you must care. People always matter.” So I care. Not about the words people use to hurt or manipulate me. I care about them as people, even when I don’t want to.

“I don’t care any more” isn’t a self-declaration of freedom for me, it’s a mirror which points to the darkness in my own soul. It’s a stark reminder that I can want what is wrong. And I’m grateful to the song for that poke at my soul.

My reaction to “I Don’t Care Anymore” may be why I have difficulty embracing groups which have strong partisan political beliefs. I know I can be in the wrong, a lot, and I accept that so I can learn wisdom. Partisan folk don’t seem to afford themselves the space to have a similar insight, their side must be right and the enemy must be defeated, no matter what. It makes it difficult for me to offer them my trust.